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Opinion
The federal election has been run and won, yet we’ve still got another six weeks of captain’s picks and flawed policy to go.
Origin speculation has arrived, a time of year that features the same behaviour of an election campaign but with twice the broken promises and factional backstabbings.
Debating Origin teams has become a sport almost as popular as the concept itself – but how does one navigate this subjective minefield while adhering to norms?
There is no value discussing Queensland when it comes to Origin speculation. In fact, there is no value discussing Queensland ever unless it’s Suncorp or banana prices.
But why is it critical to overlook the Maroons?
Because their talent pool is so minuscule and non-volatile that there’s never any secret to their squad make-up.
Every series, we all know what they’ll trot out: five players from the Storm, four Broncos, three Fijians, one bloke from Macksville and the rest Nevilles and a TBA.
You can see why there’s really no point.
So if you’re a Queenslander tailgating in to an Origin discussion to debate the merits of Tom Dearden over Cam Munster, please politely take your oinking elsewhere.
Tom Dearden runs the ball. (Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images)
Now you’re clear on where to focus, you must accustom yourself to the universal rules that govern picking the NSW team.
I’m not saying the NSWRL panel has made selecting the Blues a stressful lottery over the years, but there’s a reason the entire state forms a breathing circle on team announcement night.
That’s because for all its abundant choice, selectors have made an artform of teams that could be mistaken as a work of Picasso or Gary the Octopus.
That’s why you must forget run metres and tackle effectiveness; the only qualification required for this squad is to be “good around the sheds” or even just good at golf.
Always remember Origin speculation’s golden rule: two eye-catching performances won’t get you in to first grade, but it’ll easily get you in the conversation for Blues selection. Which leads to…
Ever wondered how Andrew Johns can push for Jack Bostock on the wing in addition to Brian To’o, Zac Lomax, Jacob Kiraz, Daniel Tupou, Timana Tahu and Eric Grothe – both Junior and Senior – and still not be sent for a HIA?
It’s easier than you think.
It’s because Origin speculation is a simulated reality that remains proudly resistant to the conventional norms of rules and logic, so there’s plenty of room in your 17 man squad for the 326 blokes who “simply need to be there”.
NSW Blues Origin coach Laurie Daley. (Photo by Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images)
The bench utility is exclusively for a Swiss Army knife who can fill a range of positions in a pinch – but not in Origin speculation.
Forget the bloke who’ll cover a backline emergency; you’ll need this position solely for 1. your lunatic idea, or 2. the tough conversation you’re not willing to have.
Ryan Papenhuyzen is a walk-up start at fullback in 99.98% of teams but sadly NSW is stacked in this position, but never fear.
Even though he’s 35kg and offering no experience in the position whatsoever, he can definitely pinch-hit at dummy-half because you think they “need to find a spot for him”.
And if this doesn’t arouse you, fulfill your kinkiest desires by dumping Connor Watson in favour of bench winger.
Experience. Combinations. Form. None of these mean anything when picking a smokey.
In fact, you only need to ask yourself one question when anointing a left-field selection:
“If this name was suggested to me by another human being, do I have a duty of care to phone an ambulance?”
If the answer is ‘yes’, then you’re ready to claim – or at least attempt to with a straight face – that your bolter “wouldn’t look out of place in a blue jersey” even though he last played a fortnight ago, and more importantly, it was at Ringrose Park.
In addition to ambiguous terms like ‘built for Origin’ and ‘he wouldn’t let you down’, avoid the risk of planting your flag by utilising the skill of pluralising names.
Applying vague, non-committal language like ‘Laurie Daley will look to the Clearys and Moseseses’ not only indemnifies you against a poor pick by leaving the door open to backtrack, pluralising helps Queenslanders feel welcome by giving them one name for each head.
Historically the most underrated approach for excelling in Origin discourse.
However, exercise with caution otherwise you may find yourself hosting an NRL panel show, or even named as head coach.